Reflections: The nature of blogging and the frequently used saying “I deserve it”

The nature of blogging and the frequently used saying “I deserve it”

Blogging is a unique form of expression. Unlike a static website, which is rarely modified, a blog seems to require a certain kind of constant updating of content. However, if one were to update one’s blog four or five times a day, as some experts on blogs say one should to keep the number of visits going, then the likelihood of generating creative and in-depth analysis is severely limited. Updating for the sake of updating may lead to an infinite transference of reproductive know-how that rarely pauses to reflect on the nature of its own activity. But blogging, which is such an exciting possibility for writers all over the world, seems to be one of the most prominent forms of articulation in our internet age. It fits perfectly into our constantly moving world guided by Newton’s laws of motion, world which stands in radical contrast to previous forms of understanding where the concept of “rest” was held in higher esteem. Politically, our age admires revolution and its radical demand for “just” change; the Greek political thinkers saw in such motions the very dissolution of the political. The Greek political theorists, in particular Aristotle, condemned what they called stasis. (see, Kostas Kalimtzis, Aristotle on Political Enmity and Disease: An Inquiry into Stasis.) We are, instead, in perpetual motion.

What does this all have to do with this post? Primarily that I struggle with this issue as an academic. As academics, we are used to the essay form which is not entirely the most compatible form with blogging and its intended fluidity. So, on the one hand, a blog should update more or less frequently, but on the other hand, it shouldn’t do so just for the sake of keeping itself in motion. I sense many of us feel this tension. WordPress allows for some amazing solutions if it is primarily conceived as the publishing platform that it is, rather than simply as a blogging service. It does so at least in two ways. The first, by allowing for a clear differentiation between pages and posts so that pages may remain more inert and static, while the posts themselves can be left to gather the momentum of the whole. Moreover, even pages can have sub-pages so that their static nature is not entirely limited. Likewise they can themselves be updated if so required. The second, by allowing for different dashboards, which in turn allows for a separation of different types of blogs if you wish to publish about diverse topics; more familiar ones dealing with your personal issues, or more specialized ones in which you develop your own ideas in a public forum. This second element is ideal, though having the actual possibility of developing two or three blogs is difficult in terms of time and in terms of ability as well. I will probably attempt this second option later on.

My solution to this dilemma has been not only to use pages and posts in diverse forms, but also to use the posts themselves in diverse forms as well. Some pages remain more static than others, for instance those dealing with my resume. But others are more fluid, such as the page which provides the map to my site in general. The posts vary as well in terms of length and subject matter. Many are extended academic-type essays but others are shorter reflections more akin to aphorisms. I believe Nietzsche would have loved blogging. All this in an attempt to try to find a balance between these multiple factors, and learning to understand what this unique type of writing which is blogging is. As in many activities, certain compromises might be required. Most probably, if it were up to me, all posts would be longer essays; but that is exactly the dilemma, a blog goes beyond academic structures and is somewhat different in nature. Moreover, this is precisely the exciting element in blogging, it invites one to take risks which within academia are much more difficult to take.

And now for the real reason for this blog. I have written some very long blogs as of late. And I tell myself, “I think I deserve to take a break from such longer posts”. In fact, this post focuses as briefly as possible on the frequently used saying which we repeatedly say to ourselves: “I deserve it”. These have to be some of the most puzzling words we say to ourselves. And it is extremely odd that you say them to yourself even out loud when no one is actually around! You bought that XBOX 360 with extra hard drive. Why? You say to yourself: “because I deserve it”. You eat that super-sized burger. Why? You say to yourself, “because I deserve it”. Or more dramatically, but not less frequent, you take that bribe as public officer. Why? Because you say to yourself: “I deserve it”. And so on.

We rarely pause to reflect on what is going on when we say this to ourselves. It is strange indeed, as we shall see. What does this intimate conversation with ourselves seem to imply? It seems to point to several troubling realities and thought-processes.

1. If you tell yourself you deserve something it implies that you think you have sacrificed yourself for a period of time in order to get it. But if you truly believe this, then what you seem to be saying is that prior to getting what you deserve, you truly were quite unhappy. If you deserve something it is because you have sacrificed yourself enough to actually treat yourself in such way. You sit down on the beach in Acapulco, or better in our beautiful Cartagena, and tell yourself, “I deserve this after working so hard for …..” Do you see what I mean? It is as if your life back home were shrouded in the tragic and only by leaving your everyday activity —which you do on a daily basis (!)—- can you actually come to a point in which you can enjoy yourself and the world.

2. When you say “I deserve it”, you not only quietly acknowledge that your life is not as good as you wish you had it, but likewise tell yourself something like this. OK so I have burned myself so far, now I require a serious compensation. To compensate yourself seems to imply that whatever you do, you do it as long as there is some sort of payback which gives meaning to all that serious sacrificing you carry out in your everyday activities . So the mom goes, “I deserve this day off, I have had to work so hard for these brats who don’t even recognize how much I do for them”. Desperate housewives is supposed to be a very watched TV show. If only they reflected on the true origin of their desperation! Or, much more seriously, caretakers of the ill will often say they need a break from their “horrible” destiny as caretakers. And those around them do so tell them constantly. Just recently an older couple was interviewed. The wife of over 30 years, 30 years of shared experiences, was developing Alzheimer’s. During the interview the loving husband said he was seeking to intern her because he needed a break (“one that he deserved”). The wife, who had lost her memories, but who was not dumb, immediately replied: “And do I get a break, too?” Unless this mentality is overturned, the ill will always be in a dangerous position as regards those who “decide” to take care of them.

3. This sort of thought might likewise be used in our reference to the divine. 

4. To leave this kind of thought behind is truly difficult. This is so because we are taught to think this way early on in our childhood. Soon Christmas will come around and we write to Santa Claus our deepest desires (even if we are older now). And Santa Claus will ask, “Have you been good? Do you deserve it?” And, of course, we try hard, SO HARD, to deserve things. But learning to be good in this way might always leave a sour taste in our activities. A certain liberation from this form of thought and of action may be required in order to reach beyond our everyday understanding of ourselves into a realm where a healthier self-understanding, a happier mode of being, is made possible. Such a healthier mode of thinking is provided by Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics. Only therein, following the dialogues by Socrates on justice, is there an exploration of the political importance of justice as deserving and a path towards its moderating transcendence.

When one says to oneself, “I deserve it”, one reveals less of what it is one is doing at the time, than about who one is and who one thinks one is in relation to the events of the world. To feel one is deserving, springs from a kind of unhappiness which lacks self-sufficiency and reaches out towards others in negative terms. Why is this so? For surely you end up thinking as well: “It is THEY who do not deserve to be where I am. If only they knew what I had to go through in order to be here!”

This is why I thought to myself: “Why should I write a shorter post this time around?” And I responded quietly to myself: “Because I deserve it.” And I laughed a bit at myself.